Breakthroughs are not easy things.

I have struggles like everyone else. I have weaknesses and parts of my life that I wish would go away. I have parts that I wish were not the way they are… parts I wish were better… and parts that I never want to go away. It is part of the natural cycle of life. We go through these stages that come at us and we go on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. We see the hard times and we become depressed, or we lose hope. These are the times we cry out to God and ask him why the world is the way it is. We start to see all that is wrong in the world and start to ask questions about it.
Then we get to another part in life… The clouds break up, the sun starts to shine through and it looks like it may not be so bad after all. Maybe this is some work of God in your life. Maybe it is something you have been praying about and it has just worked out. Who knows. I don’t even know if enough people read this blog to make it worth it to be honest. But it helps me get my thoughts out there, even if no one is actually reading them and taking them in. Anyway, the clouds break up and we move on, everything is going really good there is possibly a spiritual high going on in our life… we have made a major breakthrough. This is possibly at some sort of retreat or like I said earlier something that you have been praying about has finally worked out after a long period of questioning and wanting.
Then we get those times where everything is kind of just… for lack of a better word, normal. Nothing amazing seems to be happening, but nothing is going really bad either. These are the times it seems we kind of “do everything right” but to the bare minimum. We pray, read our bibles and go to church, but only as much as we maybe “have to” (not that we really “have” to do any of it). But nonetheless everything just kind of happens we go through life one day at a time and just enjoy it.
We all have these basic three stages not to mention the middle stages between all these stages. Yet, these seem to be the three main areas of life where we seem to fit at any given moment. Right now, I would have to say that I am in the first stage mentioned. Like I said I have my struggles like everyone else, life is not easy… it is not always fun… and it does not always make us feel very good. I hate to break this to you if you think that it is all peachy. This is part of the reason why my blogging has slowed down, I am going to try and keep it up and going at least once a month if I can from now on if you are wondering. Anyway like I said there is a lot that goes on in this world and we seem to notice a lot of the bad things that are going on instead of the good things that are happening, and I believe there are just as many, if not more, good things as bad things going on. Yet, we focus on the bad things, in the news, in the media, in our own heads. Everywhere it just seems that if it’s bad, tragic, horrible, disgusting, evil even, we take notice. What about all the good? Why do we not take notice of all that?
Have you ever been watching a movie, or maybe even listening to a song, and just gotten this feeling that it is something good. Maybe it is your favorite Disney movie, or maybe it is an amazing guitar rift or maybe it is the harmony in a song or maybe you are just enjoying nature… anything, but there are those moments where we feel something in the deepest part of us. At the core of us we know something has been stirred by this “magical” feeling and we cannot get enough of it… so we watch the movie again, or we replay the song, hike another mountain. We just want as much of this “magic” as we can get, there is something there that intrigues us, that we know deep down that there is something truly GOOD there. Not lower case good, like you would answer if someone asked you how you are doing, but upper case GOOD, perfect almost, maybe even holy? I know that I have felt this on numerous occasions, and then it ends and leaves me wanting more. This is one of the hardest feelings that I have to experience, because I know that there is something more than just the movie or the lyrics or the harmony there. There is something deep down that resonates with this idea that the prince finds his princess. There is something deep down that resonates with those lyrics. There is something deep down that resonates with the beauty of the sunset, the rain, the stars, a campfire! Something deep inside stirs and I cannot sing the song loud enough, I never tire of watching the end of the movie (maybe the rest, but not the end), I never tire of looking at the stars or watching that sunset. This GOOD feeling seems to give us a glimpse of heaven. Of everything coming back to perfection, of things being the way they should be. It seems almost too good to be true. It is different for everyone too, someone might get this feeling from one song and someone else may hate that song, but there is something out there that gives everyone this feeling. I struggled with that. I struggled with the fact that this feeling could not last, that it would always end, and nomatter what happened I could not make it last. That my life was not that movie where the credits could role and everything just happens to end perfectly. I questioned God, “why do all good things seem to end… why do all good things seem to not last, or not happen at all?”
Then one night as I was praying to God and trying to find out why this was, asking the same question over and over I got this pain in my chest, unlike anything I have ever experience ever! It was the most unbearable pain I have ever felt in my life, I was rolling around clutching my chest and bawling uncontrollably because of the pain in my chest… not a sharp pain, but a constant ache (yes I could still feel both my arms and I did not smell burnt toast). It was so unbearable that I just could not handle it at all, and probably lasted around 5-10 minutes. Then it finally ended, and I was left there lying in my bed breathing hard, trying to make sense of any of this… and this hit me. It may sound crazy but all of the sudden I got this idea that, God had given my a glimpse of the cross. Just a very small sample, not trying to say I know what it felt like for Jesus to be on the cross. But I think God gave me a taste of the pain, not physically but mentally and deep down. This little sample, so unbearable to me and yet just a little taste of what Jesus may have endured on the cross. Right by my heart, where he is supposed to “dwell”. Then I opened my bible, because a friend told me that would be an appropriate thing to do, I was kind of in a different state then and he steered me in the right direction. I ended up turning to this verse in Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways,” OK, OK, OK, nuff said… haha I could probably just stop right there and that would be enough. But if you have the same reaction I had its like jaw drop, eyes wide, wow response more than anything. Not in a surprise but in a, I better start listening sort of way. It definitely tuned my heartstrings a little bit, and opened my eyes a little bit to a lot of new ways of looking at things. Honestly I am still working through this tiny little verse. It is not the easiest thing to just say, “Ok God here is my heart, now what?” and if it is easy for you then you are not actually giving him your heart, your heart and your head are two different things, trust me, I know. But it is the start of something incredible, something really GOOD, and I really hope that God will bless you all with something where your jaw can drop and your eyes can be opened wide to God and that you can give God your whole heart as well as your head.

Nick Poetker