Now it is this scrolling through various feeds of various social networking sites that both frustrates and gets me into trouble. After all, social networking is not the place to post controversial statuses and risk the inability to properly communicate the many nuances of any one of these discussions. Most people avoid these statuses because of a desire not to post a blog-esque length comment under a status, fully flushing out the argument of your side, or fully explaining yourself so that you do not have mis-communication. Even if people don't avoid this and decide to pursue such a bold and futile venture, the fact that it is typed messages and not face to face, vocal, back and forth, causes misunderstanding and oversimplification of possibly complex discussions. These statuses coupled with the many, many articles on various topics (both controversial and not) have gotten me into self-proclaimed trouble. Not that I love most of the articles, although some are worth the read, there is just such an overload of these articles both worthwhile and not that there simply isn't time and it gives Facebook the feel of an impersonal advocacy center for whatever the cause or complaint of the week. It is because of this that I even left Facebook for a while, and deleted the app off my phone. The urge to post opinions in the boredom of a day can sometimes be too much, especially when you are opinionated, and not shy about those opinions. Too often I should just keep the opinion to myself or unload it on someone that is actually there in live person. However, this doesn't always happen and can then lead to a lengthy, and often grueling, "discussion" in a comment section. For this reason, I have re-booted this blog. This blog is as much for myself as it is for others. A place to splurge so to speak and possibly (hopefully) flush out my opinions. You have a right to disagree, and I love discussions if you do. I am no authority, and this is simply my opinion. If you disagree, comment that you disagree, but if you want to discuss and explain why talk to me in person, not in the comments section.
With all that said, the real reason for this post is in a response to many of said articles in Facebook. I have noticed that the particular kick of the week has to do with modesty of Christian Woman (I am talking about Christians for this whole post, and would rather put a disclaimer here for convenience sake), and the back and forth between two parties saying who should do and say what. As well is the very comical satirical article about modesty of Men in regards to suits which is quite humerous, and worth a read. Most of these are from Christian perspectives, and as I am one of those (a Christian not a woman) I get more and more frustrated with both sides of the argument on this one. The interesting part is it isn't a disagreeance that is causing frustration. I actually agree with both sides. The problem I see is with the starting point of the argument. You see the very watered down, readers digest version of the argument as I see it goes like this:
Men's point of veiw. We are visual beings and as a result Christian Woman should be conscience of what the wear in order to not cause men to stumble and lust after them. The Bible talks about woman being modest, and not causing others to stumble so they should cover up... buy a burka. (Ok I added that last bit, but there has been mention of burka's in comment sections of some of these articles)
Woman's point of view. It is unreasonable for men to ask woman to basically wear a burka. Some of the "so-called" clothing items in question are worn for comfort and not with the purpose of being revealing. It is unreasonable for men to place their problems with lust on the shoulders of women. As a result men need to take care of their problems and not just blame them on the dressing of woman.
I think that I understand both points of view. I think I agree with both points of view. My problem is that both arguments come from the starting point of pointing the finger at the other party. Both have truthful statements and I don't think I disagree with either statement, to a point. See what comes to mind is a verse about a log and a speck. In fact, it is Jesus teaching in Matthew 7 and it goes as follows:
"Judge not, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbour's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbour, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, while the log is in your own eye?' You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbour's eye." (NRSV).
In this particular instance and context this verse seems to apply in multiple facets. First, I think that when coming at the problem of modesty (for lack of a better name) both are failing to search themselves first. Both parties immediately are either attacking or defensively retaliating rather than maybe examining themselves and working on their problems before pointing blame at one another. Or God forbid we actually worked together to solve some of our problems.
Men, yes we are visual creatures, but just because a woman is wearing something does not mean that her main goal is to cater to you and try and lure you off course in a rage of lust. The reality is even if all Christian women dressed like nuns there are a lot of non-christians out there that may have a different value system than a Christians might. What are you going to do in those situations, convert them all on the basis of modesty? (Good luck with that). Men you need to work on you, on your mental space, on where your mind goes, and how to control your thoughts and take those thoughts captive. "Renew your minds" daily, and control your eyes, because even though we are visual, you don't always have to look either. In fact, every time I'm in a mall, I have to look the other way purposefully passing some stores because of the content displayed that is hyper-sexualized. (These are women's stores too btw). Men, learn self-control, and utilize it, there is a reason it is one of the fruits of the Spirit. We too quickly forget, that one of the biggest problems that can plague women is self-image. I am not saying that this is why all women dress the way they do, or even that all women have this struggle. That being said some women do dress a certain way to get attention, for whatever reason. Maybe, they just like the clothes, but maybe they feel that the only way they have value is if guys are looking. Let's look at how we are thinking, and how we are treating women before we point the finger at them, and accuse them of all being Jezebel because it's summer and they don't want to wear a sweater. Learn to control yourself, and maybe it won't be as big of a deal for you.
Women, I am not a woman, and because of that I have less right to talk to your 'stuff'. However, you are not blameless either. While I understand that some of those clothes may be comfortable and that is why you wear them. It is still your job to AT LEAST have an understanding of how your choice of clothing is going to come across. Understand where the line is, and I don't say this so you second guess every single wardrobe decision, but you need to focus on yourselves as well before your pointing the finger. The fact is that men are visual beings. It's not always bad thing, it's not an excuse either. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you like that shirt or those pants, sometimes maybe you can choose not to wear it because you know that it is a little more revealing. Or you wear it differently, to be a little more modest. Like I understand those yoga pants (the most common example in this discussion) are comfortable, but wear a lower riding shirt. Understand your context and the purpose for what you are wearing. For me it is harder to speak to women because I see the women's side of it as more of a heart thing, than an actual practical action. However, I think that this is just as much about you as it is involving you. Instead of blaming men for placing all their lustful thoughts on your shoulders, and making you deal with them, try and look inwards and see if there are things you can do to help Men and their major stumbling block of thinking that you are beautiful. After all how dare they think that right?
That really is the main point of my ranting. It's not just to get everything off my chest. With issues like this (and I think it goes beyond the whole modesty thing), what if instead of arguing and pointing fingers at other parties. We worried about ourselves and our own faction of the problem. Or heaven forbid we actually work together to be better. If there is a argument, how can you be the solution, don't wait for someone else to be a solution. Work together as much as possible to make things better. Jesus has some pretty strong words for these kinds of conflict, and more than once. In the sermon on the mount he talks about walking the extra mile for someone who forces you to go one. (NRSV) To give more to the person that SUES you. To turn the other cheek (a concept that I think has become watered down). It means actually allowing someone to hit you on the other side, it's not rolling over and just being meek about it. It's actually actively turning and offering the other cheek (not aggressively mind you). All these are active. It is not a passive avoidance of conflict, it is looking at the conflict, throwing your own pride aside and loving those who persecute you. The focus in all of these is on your response, not what the other person did. Get over yourself enough that you can humble yourself and see where you are in the wrong in certain situations. After all is said and done, the main point isn't about who is wrong and who is right. The point is living in proper healthy relationship with one another. The point is living in relationship in a way that is pleasing to God. The point is showing a lifestyle that says the kingdom of God and Jesus' teaching are more important than my pride, or my opinion. Maybe we should be more focused on our own logs, and not be trying to remove the specks from our neighbours. All blame does is allow us to be lazy with our own crap, our own issues. And it makes it seem that it's "all on them", it's "their problem" more than ours. The reality is, it's all of ours. Do the heavy lifting. Cause last I checked Logs are a little heftier than specks.
That's my opinion, agree or disagree?
