I'm Back, sorry for the wait

So, it turns out that to blog on a regular basis is really easy when you start, and then it gets a lot harder when you have such inconcistent internet (thanks bethany wireless). Anyway, the end of another school year, for me at least, sorry to all you who have to endure at least two more months of school. Well it has been a crazy sweet year, tons of fun, tons of sweet stuff going on and a lot learned, and still learning. Yet, while it comes to the end you start to look back and see what happened and where you are going from here on. To look back on this school year, it has not necessarily been easy. That actually is an understatement it has been a crawl.
Now don't get me wrong this year has been a blast, it has been incredible in so many ways, and I have met so many new people, and have been blessed with so many new friends. Yet, there is a lot of information coming in, as I have said in a previous post. I am the type of guy who needs to dwell on things in order to help make it my own. To really understand it and to be able to say that i truly do believe it, I feel that I need to test it, and see if it applies to my life, and then I feel that I can then truly believe it, and make it a part of who I am. This is not the easiest thing to do at school here. There is a lot of information, and it is all really good stuff... but it all comes at the same time, and it never stops coming. Now this is also not a bad thing, because new information is good, even reitterating things I already new is a great thing... but I hate not being able to make these ideas my own by dwelling on them.
Thinking about all this and trying to figure out when i was going to find the time to actually work through it all during the summer and up into next year, where I will get more... I came to the realization, this never stops. This SHOULD never stop, I realized that I do not think there is ever a point where we can stop dwelling on the ideas that are in the Bible, and the lessons we can learn from them. This process is how we make it our own, and to just stop dwelling on it is like saying you know it all. Well let me tell you something, there is only one who knows it all and he ain't even among any of the 6 billion people on the planet earth. (Ok well he used to be on the earth). So next time you skip a Bible story because you think you know every angle of it, next time you don't want to pick up your bible because it is boring, or because you don't understand it... Do not fret... because everyone deals with it... dwelling on these things is a lifelong process, some things we will never know, some things we will gain new insights into them. But keep looking, because God always wants to use the mundane and the "ordinary" and show you something EXTRA ordinary

Everything is Beautiful

Alright I'm back, vacations over in a big way... and well I did not win hockeyswap biggest game ever (for those of you who know what that is) I did learn alot, and still am learning a lot. I currently am in Winnipeg writing this, on a missions trip to the inner city and just going around to a teen drop-in centre, and really living in the slum, with prostitution right outside the window... literally. It is really sad to see, we actually saw two girls get picked up the other day, so I really ask that you guys pray for the North End of Winnipeg as it is, for the most part, living in poverty right now. I will talk about my missions trip more at a later date, but for this post I really wanted to just mix it up, and while I was out here one of the first days we were talking about a variety of stuff (most which I will go into later) and I was refecting on that stuff and wanted to share a poem I wrote while thinking of this stuff, so here is my poem, I know it is not near grammatically sound or anything but it is from the heart:

Everything is Beautiful.

Everything is beautiful, the sun in the sky,
the stars up above, that look in your eye,
A smile of God, with love.

All in his image, all equal are we,
All as one body, all unique and wonderful,
The beauty of the one, resonating in us,
The glory of the sovreign, of love and power.

Yet there is one other, of troubling evil,
Come to take the rose and its petals,
Come to strip all beauty of thei world,
Come with a blindfold to steal the hearts of boys and girls

Running rampade all over the earth, speaking lies and deceit,
Then love came down to show justice,,
Love came down and roamed the earth,
Love came down and along with it birth

Birth of a new day, of new songs, of joy,
Birth of a freedom to rid us of evil,
Birth of a Jesus, born in the hay,
Wandering the earth teaching love to all men

Until one day the sky grew dark,
Evil formed around all human hearts,
Stone hears prevail, for all love is lost,
All love abandoned, and nailed to a cross

A world without love, gone with three nails,
A world without love, gone with two planks,
A world without love, gone with six blows,
Just a glimpse of thsi world, NO love and No hope

Three day's are all it took, three days all feel lost.
Three days, more questions, no answers, just time.
Time to dwell on the time that was had,
The words that were spoken, no words spoken now.

No words, just silence, thinking and tears,
No words, despair, the one is not here,
No words, three days, of hate and of hell,
But three days' all it took, and where is he now?

For what is evil, but the absence of love,
And this love has the power to triumph all,
Triumph over hate and hell and all wrongs,
For now and forever, and everything already done.

Everything is beautiful, it was formed out of love,
It was formed by it's maker, if was formed with a purpose.
Everything is beautiful, evil has no pow'r
And love now runs rampade, and fills where it's not.


I pray that God will bless you with this poem today, as you read it.

Nick Poetker

Confusion?

So, it's christmas, its coming in the next day here, and it is this amazing holiday, so happy and full of joy and cheer. I am home from school for the christmas break and get to see everyone again which is really good, and it is a really nice break. Yet, I come home and I get all this time on my hands, which is good cause as I said in my first blog, it is good to work through all the information crammed into your head in three months at bible school. Yet, still, a lot of time to do.... well... really whatever you want. So I decided to rediscover my love for reading. (as much as you read at bible school, reading a "textbook" is different than leisure reading) So I started reading this book called The Shack, i really recommend it, very interesting thoughts in here. It certainly has challenged a lot of my theology, and beliefs about God, and who God. Not to say that this book is to be mistaken for the bible, but I believe a lot of what is in it does line up with the bible, and makes sense in my head. Anyway, this book was amazing for me, and really for me was a breath of fresh air, and has really helped me answer some questions that I have been fighting through, some pretaining to God's love for me, and just who God is. Not to say that this book got rid of my problems, or helped me to get rid of my problems, but it helped me to see things in a different light, and take things from a different vantage point, which has started to change who I am at the core (I pray).
Yet, there is still a lot of confusion with me right now, pertaining to a lot of things. There is a lot of questioning, and a lot of waiting.... which I am not necessarily fond of. There is still a jumble in my head, and a lot I am wanting God to do in my life, and I have a lot of expectations of myself. I would pray that you would pray for me, as I am trying to work through some things, and through some of this confusion that is going through my head. Right now, I am not the person I want to be... and I think that I still need to grow greatly in many areas of my life. Which really is the joy of life, is growing in it. But I pray that God could show us all where we need to grow, and that we would be open to him working to help us grow in that area. I have come to realize things do not change over night with God. He loves to see the progression, and the little steps turning into bigger steps... it is making the choice each day, and taking time to grow. There is so much from this book The Shack that I could blog about... I think I could go on for days about new discoveries, that God revealed to me through this man's writing, and his friends experience, whether real or not... (you will understand if you read the book) but I think it would all be better if you just read the book, and see God's revelations for yourself.

Christmas is a great time to rest, and put aside the worries that we carry with us, and refocus on God, and the great story of Jesus birth, that changes the world forever. I pray that God could show you something new and exciting in the Christmas story, and that God would be with you this Christmas. Merry Christmas and safe travelling.

Nick Poetker

New Ideas!

Well, it's been about three months here at Bethany, and so taking classes and stuff you get a bunch of information shoved into your head. With all this information you start to realize how little you actually know about the bible, and everything that is in it. (at least for me) I came out probably learning 100% more than I knew before. Yet also with this information coming in it is hard to sort through it all and make sense of it all. There is just so much coming at you there is no time to reflect on it and actually understand it, or look at it from your own personalized perspective. There is no time to make it your own, or so it seems. This kind of annoys me, because I think that the point of the bible is the relationship with Jesus, and spending time in his word in order to build your relationship with God. Yet, we get all this information crammed into your head and you get to write a final exam on it, so you get good at memorizing facts, and different words, is there actually time to make it my own? Is there time to choose what I believe out of all of it, is there room to make sense and sort it all out in my head.

I have no problem with the information, but facts are only facts. They are only pieces of information, they are only historical events, or different people's perspectives on different things. Is not the point of Christianity the relationship? Is not the point to make it my own so that I can grow in my relationship with God? That is my goal this holiday season... not to study even more so I can turn myself in even more circles and get more knots for me to work through. But to review and just take it at a slowed perspective so I can start to make it my own, and start to fully understand what I just spent three full months studying. Don't get my wrong I know the facts, but do I believe them? Do I fully understand the significance of the big picture that they represent? Not yet, not fully.... that is the goal the purpose for me, to start to sort through the knots, some of the questions that I have and start to fully realize what the big picture is, what it all means in the context of my life, and how to see it through the lens of me, Nick Poetker. I pray that this process is lead by God, and that I can make sense of some things that are confusing me, and solidify things that are wish-washy.

Nick Poetker

The Pursuit of... Happyness?

Have you ever pursued something for a long period of time? Ever gone after something/ or pursued a relationship and waited it out for a long period of time, and had the feeling grow stronger and stronger inside. You start to want it more and more as you realize you cannot have it. Then, you finally get what you were chasing and it does not seem so good anymore? I know I have done this many times...
We think this think will make us happy, we think that if we could just obtain this thing, or this person's affection, or even just the friendship, that everything will just resolve itself and everything will just be okay, and then we can be truly happy. I remember a quote from the movie the Pursuit of Happyness,

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?" - Chris Gardner or Will Smith

Can we ever have happiness? In this world is there such thing as true happiness? WE focus so much on the pursuit of this thing, or this person that eventually we get so caught up in this chase for the happiness that this is going to bring us, and then we actually get the prized possession and it feels dull, and insufficient. The game and the hunt of trying to get what we are wanting, and what is going to bring our happiness is over, and now we have it and it seems like something is missing. We have focused so much on the pursuit of this object, this person, that we have lost focus of why this is going to bring us happiness, why it is so important. We just become consumed by our lust for this object, for this relationship this person, we get caught up in the emotions of not being able to have it.
We start to let the emotions and the disappointment of not being able to have what we want that it sets in and then we get what we want, God blesses us with something that we have wanted and we are thankful for a short period of time because the excitement of the pursuit is gone. Is there true happiness in things, in relationships and in people? Can we be happy once we have accomplished the mission of the pursuit?
Yes, I believe that there is happiness to be had from God's blessings. In the gifts God gives us, the things that we want that God tells us "alright you can have it." There should be happiness in that, but it cannot become an obsession.
The pursuit is too easy to make an obsession, and therefore almost an addiction. We get the little glimpses of the things we want in life, and it makes us want even more and more, these 'highs' keep us wanting these things, and therefore once we actually get it it does not seem so good anymore. We are not getting these 'highs' anymore, it has become the normal, it is okay for a bit, until it becomes normal, then it is not 'fun' anymore.

-I realize two things in writing this specific blog:
-my thoughts are scattered
- and I am not exactly sure what I am trying to say, (still working through this one)

What do you think? Out in Left Field or making sense? Anything to add?

Worship

I am in a Intro to Bible class, also known as a Bible Survey class, and this class is good, with discussion and we go through the books of the bible, spending at least a little bit of time on each one. Today's class was different though. We got onto the topic of Worship, and what that looks like and if how we here at school are 'doing' worship is right. We started talking about the Psalms, and how they are songs written over 1000 years, and how we still read those songs today, and also how they show us about the culture of the time. Then, the question was posed. If people looking back found "Bethany Song Book" or maybe just your song list, with just lyrics, what would they see about our culture. The first point in the two separate classes of the day was a selfish look on worship, how most of worship focuses on what the individual gets out of worship, and even just a selfish outlook on the whole idea of worship.
The next point brought up was that there is a longing for 'more of God'. Whatever that means. What does a longing for more of God mean? Does it mean being able to expect more from God, does it mean being able to hear him clearer, does it mean feeling him present in everyday situations, or do we wish that church today was like that of acts, with healings and many other miracles, and that the whole way we do church would be more God centred than self-centred? Or does it have to do with all of these things?
Then we started to talk about how worship is more than just singing, and how many people worship through different ways, and that what we are seeing in today's church I think everywhere, not just here in the bethany community, is a people going against expressing themselves in worship, and worshipping the way God created you to worship. We see singing as worship and so all we do is sing, we do not leave the opportunity open for people to worship expressively, or have other outlets other than singing. Another question arose. Does the music and the intstruments have a false effect of God, do they give us a false sense of God, and his presence? I would say yes and no, I believe God created instruments and that this means that you can see and feel God through these instruments, but I think you can create something that is not there as well, in hopes that you will just have a feeling. Which brings up a point I have heard my pastor talk about, is our faith merely a feeling? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. So then why do we yearn for that feeling? Cause it feels good? Anyway a whole new can of worms there. Are instruments bad or good? One student brought up that music is made by God, and that it does not have to be 'christian music' in order for it to be worship. I found this interesting and I agree, the music itself can be worship if we can see God, and praise him for it. Even if it is a secular song. I think a lot of the times a perfectly good song is ruined by the lyrics, and it breaks my heart, because of how much i love that song. Yet, I have hope that just the music for me can be a praise to God. Not saying that you can listen to whatever music and it can be praise, because the lyrics are still there, and we have to guard our hearts, but I think that we can see God through the music that is played, as much as the lyrics that we hear, and sing.
Another whole topic, do we mean the words we sing? Anyway, I could probably go on all night, but I challenge whoever chooses to read this blog, that this would be a challenge to you. How do you worship? Do you feel that you are supported to use this form of worship on every sunday or whenever a "singing worship" time is there? Do you think this is right.
One final note, was pointed out, there is a great thing when a community comes together and worships in unity, and I think that this is good too. The main thing is right now I believe that every time of worship is a community worship, and there is not a lot of room for individual worship in that setting right now. Almost every single action you perform can be worship to God, if you mean it to be. Yet, I think that we have the idea of worship in our minds, and in the church very twisted, and it's kind of scary for me.

Think about it, and God Blesss

Nick Poetker

Jesus be the Centre

Jesus be the centre, be my source be my light Jesus,
Jesus be the centre, be my hope, be my song, Jesus,
Be the Fire in my heart, be the wind in these sails, be the reason that I live Jesus, Jesus
Jesus be my vision, be my path be my guide, Jesus
Be the Fire in my heart be the wind in these sails, be the reason that I live Jesus, Jesus

I find it amazing how I can pray to God, and pray earnestly and pray for answers. I can worship him, and still mean the words that I am singing, and recognize that what I am singing or doing is truth. Yet, still not have those words be true. I can pretty much do everything right, and still not have God at the centre of everything I am doing. I prayed long and hard for answers the other night, just something I am dealing with, being at bible school, a good place to find answers right? So I was looking for answers to some personal things that I was dealing with.... I was singing in chapel and meant everythign I was singing, and knew it, I knew that God was awesome and that he was holy, and I meant it when I sang it. Yet, through both of these scenerios I realized God still was not at the centre. I was not putting him number one, that one little issue was taking the centre, it was being at the source of what I was doing. Not out of love for God, not because I just wanted to show God what I thought of him, but because I wanted answers... I was trying to suck up to God, and hoping it would help me to get rid of this thing I was/am dealing with. I realized that I was digging myself a hole, and I was not about to get myself out of it. Today I realized singing that song (above) that I was not living that out, and in turn stuff was building up, I was becoming confused and I was becoming overwhelmed spiritually. I realize now that I need to put God at the centre, not to get answers, but because as soon as I do, everything else will just fall into place. As soon as I put God ahead of that issue, then I do not have to worry about it anymore, and can focus on God, and I can be reassured that he will take care of that issue. Right now, I have no idea what putting God at the centre means, fully. Yet, I have a sense that acknowledging him as the centre is a good place to start and can only lead me down the right path. Recognizing him in everything I am doing, and doing his will and not mine. I hope I will start on the path of discovering what putting God at the centre means, and that you will join me in doing so. That God can start to take control of every aspect of life, through that decision to make him the centre. For the first time in my life, I am alright with that aspect of giving everything, that I am and everything that I can become and want for my life, over to God. I cannot begin to tell you how freeing that is.

I hope you can do and feel the same.